Emirati House Experience Abu Dhabi: In a majlis at an Emirati’s home

Modern Arabs like drawing boundaries. They prefer living a private life, one that is often deemed as a refusal to communicate with strangers. Maitha Essa, an Emirati woman, has taken upon the task to dispel all myths and misunderstandings about the Arab society. Three days a week, she hosts expatriates and tourists for 3-4 hours at her home in Abu Dhabi for a dinner preceded by a candid chat session—the Emirati House Experience. I attend one of her sessions along with five other Indian women, my colleagues.

Under the beams of streetlights, I walk in a peaceful neighbourhood in Abu Dhabi city clustered with several beige coloured houses. Maitha answers our call and comes out to the gate to receive us with a broad smile. We open our shoes outside, just the way we do before entering any Indian household. Pushing open the luxe door she waits for us, the smile still lingering on her face.

The guest room looks elegant, with comfortable high back chairs and sofa, three shimmering crystal chandeliers, several corner tables set with ornamental vases and flowers, a drawer chest and a TV. A few geometrical decors adorn the white wall. I sit in a chair while Maitha settles in another. After introductions, our chat session starts. She makes clear the topics. We are allowed to ask about how an Emirati family lives, clothes and eats, what are their daily routine, rituals, cultures and traditions. She also clearly mentions that she is not comfortable answering any deep religious or political questions.

The majlis is coming alive

Majlis, she starts with this word. Being an Indian I have come across this word in both Hindi and Bengali vocabularies umpteen times in my life—it is only in Abu Dhabi that I am made aware of its Bedouin origin. In the sand dwelling Bedouin tribe’s culture, guests are held in very high regard and treated generously. In the desert, random guests were hosted for 3 days, given space to sit, eat and be comfortable before being asked who they are or what job brings them there. The concept of majlis, or a dedicated guest room originated from this practice.

So we are sitting in the majlis of this Emirati house. However, this majlis is different. Traditional majlis of the Emiratis are always arranged on the floor. Guests sit on carpets and recline on cushions and pillows, which they call takiah, again a word amply used by Indians while speaking in Hindi.

Maitha’s majlis is westernized. Sometimes the knowledge-seeking foreigners she hosts visit wearing short outfits and feel uncomfortable sitting on the floor. To make it a relaxing and enjoyable experience for all she has installed a sofa and chairs.

Though all the Bedouins living in Abu Dhabi have come a long way from their nomadic roots and live in plush villas nowadays, their tradition of hosting guests remains unchanged.  Either houses have two majlis, one for women and the other for men, or just one majlis where the men gather, whereas the women are allowed entry into the intimate parts of the house. In this respect too, Maitha’s majlis is an exception as she hosts both male and female foreign guests in the same majlis.

Maitha quickly adds that her ancestors were not Bedouins; not all citizens of UAE had been Bedouins. She corrects a big misconception in my mind. There are several tribes and subtribes in Arabia, but Bedouins are only those who dwelled on the sands. There are mountain, sea and land (farm) tribes as well. She belongs from the sea tribes.

Later I come across the word Hadaar in Wilfred Thesiger’s book Arabian Sands—a term used by the Bedouins to refer to the other tribes. In modern UAE, all tribes have unanimously accepted the rituals and traditions of the Bedouins—the tribe of the UAE’s founder Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan.

A fluffy Persian cat couches on the floor. “She is pregnant,” says Maitha while carrying her to another room so that the guests are not distracted by the feline’s cuteness. Once back, she serves us Arabian coffee and explains to us the minutiae of the etiquettes associated with coffee making and serving in Emirati homes.

The Emirati House Experience Abu Dhabi highlight: Coffee lessons 101

Coffee is an inseparable part of Emirati life. Typically, the Emiratis crush coffee beans and reduce it to powder. They add the powder to water and boil on low-flame for about 5-10 minutes. In UAE, most commonly, the coffee is flavoured with cardamom. Sometimes saffron is also used, but never more than two spices to prevent a clash of tastes. The beverage is strained before serving; however if guests prefer strong coffee, the straining is skipped.

Maitha picks six small cups and wears them on the fingers of her right hand. She takes the fancy coffee jug or dallah with her left hand and starts serving from right to left at one go. The cup is filled only up to a quarter. The piping hot, bitter beverage is accompanied by a date—its sweetness is expected to neutralize the bitterness.

She informs us that saying no to coffee is considered offensive in Emirati homes. Even if one is not in the mood for coffee, he/she must always say yes, accept the beverage, pretend to drink and keep it aside. Also, filling the entire cup at one go is insulting to the guests as in Emirati culture it is interpreted as “you are not welcome to stay more; finish your coffee and go away”.

While serving, the dallah must be in the left hand and the cups in the right hand, similarly the guests are expected to accept the cup with their right hand. These coffee protocols are not discounted even for a leftie. The rule of thumb is to serve the oldest guest first and then according to age, or according to ‘social status’, if nothing is known about the attendees then from right to left. Since she knows neither our age nor our social status, she serves us from right to left.

The Emiratis have coffee in the morning, evening and sporadically throughout the day, but it is in the majlis, while serving the guests that the manners come under scrutiny. It is always the youngest member of the host family who serves the coffee— youngest female in the female gathering and the youngest male in the male gathering. The server has to remain standing until all guests are done.

The guests jingle their cups to signal the host to take it away, if they stretch out their cups, more coffee is poured by the server. The prevalence of the sign languages also came from the Bedouins of the past, who always employed deaf coffee servers to prevent eavesdropping.

Some Emirati outfit talk: Abaya, sheila, mukhwara, khandora, dishdasha

Once everyone is done with coffee, the conversation is steered towards clothing. I learn her head-scarf is called sheila, the long gown is called Mukhwara, and the fine embroidery on it is talli, an indigenous craft which was already introduced to me at Qasr Al Hosn. I am surprised to learn the societal expectation of abaya— a full-length outer garment, is rather new.

In modern day, most Emirati women wear an abaya when outdoors. Every female tourist visiting the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque has to mandatorily wear an abaya during entry. Before the discovery of oil in this region, women went out in their traditional clothing, which was already modest, and a headscarf. Maitha is not sure why the change happened, but adds, “Emirati women are generally brought up in a certain way. They show their beauty only inside the house. In our homes we can wear anything, be it jeans or pajamas, but we are not comfortable showing our beauty to male strangers.”

Abayas can be colourful but always black at official occasions. Abayas are custom designed and stitched by tailors. Usual ones cost around 800-1200 Dirhams. Our host, Maitha, owns around 22 different abayas with versatile embroidery work. A range of fabrics are used to create abayas like chiffon, zari, shamwa (or was it chamois), organza, crepe and many more. Maitha says its chiffon and shamwa that best suits the hot desert climate of the region.

There is no hard and fast rule nowadays to ‘punish’ girls for not wearing an abaya outdoors, but they are judged by most of the society. During my brief stay in Abu Dhabi, I almost never came across a young Emirati woman who isn’t wearing make-up. Women here wear make-up with neutral shades; colours are generally avoided. Modern Emirati women spend a bomb on watches, shoes and bags—items that remain visible to public eye all the time.

Maitha refers to the hawkers who used to visit from door to door selling their collection (mostly fabrics) as Lelam. The lelams were from the Indian subcontinent, mainly Pakistan. I assume them to be what we call feriwala in Kolkata. They interacted and negotiated with the women of the house and sold to them until a few years ago, when the government abolished this kind of business.

Maitha’s younger brother enters the room to greet us and serves us a red beverage, a Ramadan special fruit cordial—Vimto. He wears a long white robe—a kandora or dishdasha. I learn that Emiratis almost never homewash the khandora. To preserve its pristine white colour, the khandoras are always sent away to laundry services.

All about marriage: Getting candid at Emirati House Experience

The costliest abayas are the wedding ones, their prices shoot up to 3000 Dirhams—the more intricate the handiwork, the greater its price. Married women wear their wedding abayas during Id. Emirati marriages are mostly arranged by the families (much like the Indians eh?).

In previous days, cousins were married to each other. Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan, founder of UAE gave women the right to reject her parent’s choice. Society became more relaxed and now it is very common for Emiratis to get married to their neighbours, family friends and even with citizens of other countries.

Traditionally the groom never proposes the bride, but rather the groom’s mother meets the potential bride, her mother and female family members over a majlis at the bride’s place, to ask for her hand in the marriage. The bride meanwhile serves coffee and is judged for her etiquettes (sounds eerily similar to Indian arranged marriages). The groom’s mother also asks the bride’s mother to conduct research on their son’s background in the coming days before arriving to a decision.

The bride’s mother then approaches the father to ensure the research. “Oh they dig up all sorts of things during the research,” exclaims Maitha. A groom who is religious and a regular at the mosque is considered in high regard. His manners and reputation in the society is checked, the genuineness of his intention of ‘opening’ a house and raising a family is checked and finally the value of his job and wealth is measured.

In UAE, every newlywed man is given a house/land/money from the government to start off his conjugal life. Since polygamy is legal in this country, if a man marries for the second time another house is given to him. Each wife is expected to have a house of her own. I am not sure if the government still gives them a third and fourth house if they indeed take three or four wives.

Once the bride’s family approves the groom, the men of both families gather in a majlis to discuss the details of the marriage. According to Sharia law, the mahr is decided. It is an Islamic practice of grooms giving/promising a certain amount of money or possessions to the bride at the time of marriage. The mahr is directly paid to the bride as her legal property.

Maitha says nowadays the concept of mahr is being dropped or sometimes just a nominal amount is fixed as a symbolic gesture. Love marriages, though rare are happening in the society.

Sumptuous Emirati food with Ramadan special

Maitha lives with her mother and five siblings. Her stepmother lives with her own children in a different house. As we speak, her Filipino house help arranges dinner. Maitha is quick to add that the domestic help has her own room, phone and Wi-Fi. On the palm frond carpet, she keeps the exquisitely designed pots and pans tumbling with Emirati food.

In a soft chorus, we request her not to take the trouble of serving us and that we would help ourselves, but, being the gracious host that she is, our chorus is subdued by her kindness. Smell of steamed rice wafts in the air followed by the aroma of spiced chicken. She calls a reddish stew of vegetable and chicken, saloona. She picks up the stew and the juicy vegetables and chickens from the saloona and mixes it with shredded raqaq bread in a third pot to make the dish fareed. I learn it is a common dish during Ramadan. The taste of bzar, an Emirati spice mix used in making the saloona hangs heavy in the dish, reminding me of spicy food back home.

We sprinkle the fareed with lemon and have it with much gusto. I am surprised to find a delightful bowl of yoghurt at the end of the meal. It is soon followed by icecream.

Maitha has been to Europe many times and expresses her wish of travelling to India as well. “When I visit Europe I wear jeans and modest full sleeved t-shirts but always cover my hairs and shoulders with the sheila. I feel most confident in it. But I don’t judge the Emiratis who feel okay in removing the sheila as well.”

An enormous amount of food remains untouched in the pot, as she has prepared a generous quantity, overestimating our appetite. We are happy to learn the extra food would be given to the mosque, which would be distributed to feed hungry people.

Please be nosy: Dkhoon(bakhroor), lubaan and oudh

The closing ceremony of the meeting commences. It bears resemblance with Hindu rituals performed during worshipping of idols(puja). We huddle together on the floor in front of small shiny metal boxes. As soon as the boxes are opened, my nostrils inflate in reflex. A mélange of fragrances permeate the air.

The boxes contain dkhoon(bakhroor), lubaan and oudh. Both dkhoon and oudh appear as semi crushed black masses. Dkhoon is handmade, generally by women, out of aromatic natural substances like musk, amber, rosewood and sandalwood. Oudh is obtained from the resinous agarwood tree, a native of Assam (India) which had later spread into other Southeast Asian countries. Lubaan, also known as Frankincense, is the aromatic resin of the much-prized lubaan tree found in Oman and Somalia.

In a clay charcoal container called midkhan, on the burning coal, some lubaan is placed. As the smoke spirals up, the midkhan is passed around and Maitha invites everyone to take in the smell. Lubaan is also burned when someone in the household is sick. Spreading this fragrance is an Emirati way of purifying the house from germs and bacteria.

Next, the dkhoon is burned and the same process is repeated. In the households, it is generally used as the incense of the daytime. Finally, she puts the agarwood chips or oudh on the burning charcoal; oudh being the costliest of them all is only burned during special occasions like weddings, engagements and when visitors come.

Maitha holds the midkhan with burning oudh and places it deftly under her hair and sheila. The aroma clings on to her fabric and hair—it is a common local way to perfume clothes and hair. She passes the midkhan to us and we mimic her actions. Once done, I deliberately place some hair on my nose to verify if it works at all and bingo, it does!

Every female majlis in this country ends like this. The burning of oudh signifies the climax of guest sessions. Sometimes, even in a male majlis, oudh is burned and the container is passed around to inhale the smoke, but generally men do not perfume their outfit or hair with it.

Our time at Maitha’s home ends but the memory of the meeting lingers, easily rejuvenated by smelling the small portion of oudh that Maitha had packed for me to take home as a souvenir.

PRACTICAL INFORMATION

Price – AED 450

Days – Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday (6-9.30 PM)

How to book and details – Please click here.

To watch my Emirati House Experience (along with other places to visit in Abu Dhabi) video on Youtube, please click here.

Did you learn something new by reading this? Would you like to have the Emirati House Experience in Abu Dhabi? Comment below and let me know!

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Disclaimer: Tania was hosted by Abu Dhabi Tourism Board. All thoughts and opinions expressed in the post are of her own.

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